Being inspired, maybe – 62
A
picture paints ... well, as many words as you like. For instance:
And,
then, the words:
It was peaceful, briefly.
It was usually a quiet
area of the park where people came to contemplate, a place I came to when the
walls at home started closing in on me.
Sure, the sounds of
everyday life impinged on that sense of serenity, but more often than not it was far enough away it could be screened
out.
All except the sound of
planes flying overhead, on those days the park was directly under the landing
path of the airport, which was not very often.
One flew overhead now; I
looked up and could see the landing gear down and the flaps in position, almost
so close one could reach out and touch it.
And then the whining
noise of the engines, getting louder and then gradually fading away. Until the next what seemed a few seconds
later, and then another.
It sparked a thought,
perhaps I could go away for a while, anywhere but go home. It wasn't a home, not any more, not since a
simple accident destroyed it, and my whole world.
Denise and the twins
Danny and Danielle. Gone.
That moment of utter
disbelief when the police came to tell me.
Those moments of hoping against all hoped it would not be them until I
had to identify the victims of the crash that had killed them.
Those moments when I woke
up every time hoping it had been just a bad dream, and being met but utter
silence in a house that was filled with life and laughter.
One year later, and I
still hadn't come to grips with it.
Perhaps I never would.
"You can't go on
like this Leo."
That tranquillity was
sometime also broken by the voice of my sister in law, Della. She made the trek to London every few months
on business and combined it with a promise she said she had made to Denise a
long time ago, that if anything happened to her she would look after the
survivors.
She meant well, but there
was nothing she could do to make me feel better. I didn't think there was anything in this
world that could.
Another plane passed
overhead and I waited till it had disappeared beyond the tree line, leaving
only the sound of its engines in its wake.
I turned to look at her,
looking so much like her sister. Before I had married Denise, I had mistaken
Della for her once or twice. She had
another sister, Diedre, but I'd only seen her once, at the wedding. And not since.
"You're the third
person to say that this week."
"I'm sure the others
were as concerned about you as I am."
"I told them as I
will tell you, there is nothing to worry about.
I just need time. You know the
saying, time heals all wounds."
"But it's been more
than a year now, and I've finally come to grips with it. It was a senseless accident with catastrophic
consequences. I lost a sister, a friend,
perhaps my only real friend Leo, and much much more."
I'd known of the close
relationship with her sister, and later of the pranks she and Della had played
using their similarities, how they were, at times, interchangeable.
There even a few times
where I started wondering which one I had with me because at times Denise acted
strangely, sometimes forgetting simple things.
"Then you know how I
feel."
"Like the next call
I get on my cell phone will be Denise.
She used to call me once, sometimes twice a day. Oh, Leo, I miss her too."
Three planes had passed
overhead since we last spoke; there was nothing I could say, or wanted to say.
But little things stuck
in your mind, like on the day of the accident, we had an argument over some
small event, she was taking the children to a daycare centre, a new job for
her before she went to work in s new job, one I thought she had embarked on a
little earlier than we agreed.
She would stay home with
them until they were both in school.
She had lasted four years and said she'd had enough and wanted to go
back to work, and then conveniently had an interview and the job three days
later.
It was the cause of the
argument. We hadn't sat down to talk
about it, and perhaps she had rightly assumed I would not agree, not unless it
was fait accompli, and made it impossible for me to disagree.
Was I disappointed? Yes.
But at no time did I
disagree that she could not return to work at an appropriate time. I could see her restlessness, and how the
demands of the children affected her.
She needed a break.
And it was a direct cause
of the accident. A long night with sick
children after a week of long days and little sleep. She was tired and angry. And she didn't see the other car coming.
Yes, I blamed myself
too. I could have done more and
didn't. Now I had nothing and it was as
much as I deserved.
"But," she
said, after the pause, "Denise would not have wanted you to be like
this. You know that as well as I
do. She was one of those people who had
to be sure that life would go on if anything happened to her."
That was true too, but it
had been a different time then, when there had been no children. But Della had a point. Denise would neither be pleased or proud of
what I'd become.
"How do I do
that? I think I managed to alienate
anyone who may have cared about me in the past."
True to a point. How many bridges had I burned? I had unfortunately managed to destroy any
goodwill anyone had extended me.
"You still have
friends who care." She took a
medium-sized envelope out of her handbag and held it out. "It a good job, one that you're very
familiar with, and it's a fresh start away from here. You need to make a clean break."
I took the envelope,
resisting the urge to open it. "Why
do I suddenly get the feeling this is goodbye?"
It felt like it.
"It's not, but it is
far enough away to put the past behind you.
And don't worry, I'll come and see how you're going, just like I have
been."
Which was something else
that worried me about her, the amount of time and effort she had put into mollycoddling me. It had left her no time for
a life of her own.
"You don't have to
you know. I can look after myself."
"That's what all men
say, right before they disappear into the disorganised abyss. Not on my watch. Now," she said, standing, "it's time
for me to leave you alone, and for you to take the first step on your new
adventure."
A hug, a kiss on the
cheek, she strode off in her usual purposeful manner, leaving me to watcher her
disappear past the tree line.
A new adventure? I opened the envelope and took out the folded
sheet, on top of several other items, one of which was a plane ticket.
The note was short and
written in Denise's hand. "If you
are reading this then something dire will have happened to me. Of course, I'm hoping by the time Del gives
you this you will have mourned my passing and be ready for the next phase of
your life. Your mission, should you
decide to accept it, is to join that mysterious other sister-in-law of mine, Deidre,
who was something of a recluse, but also a rather strange missionary, who has
an orphanage in Kenya. She always needs
help, and I suspect you might want to get away for a while, so this is the
perfect solution. She's nothing like me,
as you will soon discover, but she has a kind heart."
I put the letter back in
the envelope, and sat down for a moment, the actual fact if seeing her writing
had given me a moment to reflect. Seeing
the writing, and reading her words hadn't affected me as much as I thought they
might.
So, Della was right. I needed a change, and an excuse to see her other
sister, the surly one.
And, of course, I did say
I wanted to travel.
©
Charles Heath 2019
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